Shoki, you did everything you could have done for her but unfortunately, your shit didn’t do shit. Lol kinda funny but true. And I just wanna write it down some of my thoughts before bed before I forget what I feel at this moment. Whatever I feel at this moment, is the truth and there is no right or wrong about your feelings.
So what do I feel right now? I feel some of the feelings that I’ve never felt before. It’s a mixture of multiple things. I feel sadness, but at the same time I feel compassion, but I also feel a relief of some sort because I just came to a conclusion that there is nothing I can do to change anybody’s thoughts or emotions and most of it all, their choices at life.
When two of opposite polarities come in contact, there comes a connection. And when that connection happens, you feel a pull. Like a magnet or gravity. So you act upon your human instinct. Because when it happens, that’s the only shit human being will want to do at a given moment.
Believe it or not however, that instinct can be shut down by their thoughts and pain carried from the past. Which I find so fucking sad because they’re dead before their death. They’re living but they aren’t living. More like they can’t live. And they get pissed off for not being able to live and blame others for it. Give me a god damn break homie. Like what the fuck are you doing? I don’t care what kind of degree you got or how much money you got. If you can’t fucking live life, then whatever you have at your disposal comes to naught. Pointless. Meaningless.
Don’t wanna admit and I rarely think and feel this way, but I just wasted huge amount of my precious time. I need nobody who uses me.
Please. Be gone from me. Thank you.